The "Welcome" Doormat

For the past two weeks, I’ve had the blessing of entertaining a bit of guests at our home.  I stress the blessing part, which you’ll understand at the end.  

I grew up in a nuclear family with not many extended relatives living in the same city.  Our closest people were the “Uncles & Aunties” and the kids of all the family-friends of my parents.  Since very young, it was almost painfully forged onto my brain with a hot iron rod being my parents’ stern voices, that weekdays were strictly comprised of school and nothing else. 

“But what about my social life?” I in the midst of annoyance, naively blurted out to my mother one day.

“What social life?” she roared.  “All you’re required to do at this age is study. And absolutely nothing else” she almost hissed out the words. 

She stared me down, until I walked away backwards, believing that any moment now the smoke detector would go off above her head. Figuratively speaking.  So, needless to say, the amount of guests trafficking at our house was very limited on weekdays due to its mega potential of it believing to be a source of interference - something that would compromise with a good report card at the end of the school year. 

That is why, even to this day… Whenever I hear of people coming to visit my husband & I – I have a mini panic (almost a cardiac) attack.  I stress about how everything has to look perfect, and there has to be a ton of food in beautiful culinary presentations. I literally start a mini timed sprint around the house as though I’m being judged on Food Network’s “Chopped” & HGTV’s “Design Star” all at the same time.  Part of that obsessive-compulsive trait is partly environmental & partly genetic on my end because I’m somewhat of a “neat freak”, perfectionist like my mother. I need everything – all the planets, stars, moon, sun, food, mood, ambience, & clothing… ALL to be in perfect harmony when people are over. Yeah, right?  I know!  That’s impossible and thus, stressful when trying to achieve such high standards that I irrationally set for myself.

But, somewhere in between my sprint, over the hum of my sweet husband’s constant reassuring words, and probably when I’ve stopped to drink some water while listening to him – both of which works to seep sense into me…There’s a moment. The moment I realize that I just need to relax, give it my best,  leave the rest to Allah...and exhale.  

Age allows you to get very comfortable with reaching that balance, and proud acceptance of who you are and the way you go about it.  I now fully realize that more than the influence of genes or the environment I grew-up in… kindness & compassion were always my biggest innate influence that I was blessed with.  I'm glad that I've never cared to please anyone just for the sake of being in their “good books” and have never been afraid to stand up for what I believed in.  The sole drive for me to be kind was always and only because of that nagging ache in my chest that would start whenever I would learn of anyone or any animal in need of anything. I would obsessively think about ways of how I can help them or know someone that can, and compulsively attempt for it. My parents, grandparents, and others can vouch for the amount of time I’ve showed up with stray animals in the house knowing that I wouldn’t be allowed to keep them. But the thought of even one night of shelter at my house for those innocent souls, was worth all the over-dramatic, angry, spiteful words and reactions from them.

Kindness... (no matter how hard) - Pass it on!

With regards to religious responsibilities – the duty of kindness, compassion, and generosity is prescribed to every believing Muslim and isfardh - Islamic "must". No matter how small or great the act is.  That is why even a smile is considered charity and a tear is considered a sadaqa.   Thus,honoring guests is regarded in Islam as a great deed because it is part of giving alms or being kind.  Guests are anyone – human or any other creature – that has come intentionally or accidently knocking at your door in need of shelter, food, company or any other favor. The duty towards them is great, as mentioned in the following hadith,

Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said, “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him honor his guest by giving him his reward.” They asked, “What is his reward, O’ Messenger of Allah?” He said, “One day and one night.  The right of hospitality is three days, and anything beyond that is an act of charity.” {Bukhari & Muslim} 


Honoring a guest – from the moment they knock and enter your house – is not a matter of choice to be followed.  The “reward” of the guest is one day and one night, while the duty of hospitality of the host is three days, and anything beyond that is an act of charity, which will be recorded among the suab (good deeds) of the generous host.  


That is why, I was blessed to carry out my fardh, and (given more reasons to) please Allah these past weeks.  So the next time, whether you're expecting or get that surprise knock on the door and you start to hyperventilate… Just stop, and remind yourself that it doesn’t matter how glamorous or bland the outcome seems from the outside. When accommodating guests, its not about spending beyond your means, making the house sparkle, cooking one too many dishes, worrying about if there will be enough food, burning yourself out or being wasteful with extravagance. When we roll out the "welcome" mat - its about the simple acts of kindness that you bestow upon people from the moment they step across the doormat and set foot into your house.  Remember that this is your chance to strengthen social ties, practice charity, generosity, follow the teachings of Islam, and have fun while being a good Muslim.  As long as we were sincere in our attempts of being a generous host, and was able to provide the warmth of our smile, hugs, words, food, an extra place for that person to rest, and was sure to never remind them of that favor…then, that's all that counts. Your good intentions, is all that counts.

People will be able to tell the sincerity of your intentions… not because you’ll “beat your own drum” (which is a complete “no no” in Islamic rules and etiquette), but because your guests will feel the immensity of your warmth.  Gratitude is their responsibility, and not your worry – so do not seek it.  Your reward at the end is going to be that feeling…  That feeling which polishes your soul brighter, as you’re blessed with the realization that Allah is Pleased with you for your goodness.  And that’s what it is really about every single day on this planet. 

Al Qu'ran

“So woe to the praying ones,

Who are unmindful of their prayer!
Who do good to be seen,
And refrain from acts of kindness.” {Surah Al-M’aun: (The (Small) Acts of Kindness) 107:4-7}

“And whatever good thing you spend, it is to your own good; and you do not spend but to seek Allah’s pleasure; and whatever good things you spend shall be paid back to you in full, and you shall not be wronged.” {Surah Al-Baqara (The Cow) 2:272}

"And what will explain to you what the steep path is? 
It is the freeing of a (slave) from bondage; 
or the giving of food in a day of famine to an orphan relative, 
or to a needy in distress. 
Then will he be of those who believe, 
enjoin fortitude and encourage kindness and compassion." {Surah Al-Balad (the City) 90:12-17}

Hadith

"Verily, a man teaching his child manners is better than giving one bushel of grain in alms." {Muslim}

“There is no goodness in the one who is not hospitable” reported by Imam Ahmad, as said by Prophet (pbuh).

 Jaabir said: “I heard the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) say: ‘The food of one is enough for two, the food of two is enough for four, and the food of four is enough for eight’ “ {Muslim}


"Allah will not give mercy to anyone, except those who give mercy to other creatures." {Narrated Abdullah b. Amr, Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said - Abu Daud & Tirmidhi}

The Holy Prophet (sas) once said: “On the day of Judgement, Allah will address a particular individual:

O Son of Adam! I was sick but you did not attend to Me. 
Bewildered, this individual will say: ‘How is that possible? You are after all the Supreme Lord of all the worlds (and cannot fall sick).’ 
Allah will reply: Do you not remember that so and so among My servants was ill and lying close to you and you did not turn to him in sympathy? If you had but gone near him, you would have found Me beside him.

In a like manner, Allah will address another individual:

O Son of Adam! I had asked you for a piece of bread; but you would not give it to Me. 
The individual will submit: ‘How is that possible? Can Allah feel hunger and need bread?’ 
Allah will reply: So and so among My servants in a moment of hunger had asked you for bread, and did you not refuse to give it to him? If you had given him food, you would have found Me beside him.

Similarly, Allah will turn to yet another and address him: O Son of Adam! I was thirsty and I asked you for a cup of water, but you did not give it to me.

The individual will cry out: ‘How is that possible? How can Allah feel thirsty?’ 
Allah will reply:  So and so of My servants were thirsty and asked you for water, but you did not give it to him. If you had given it to him, you would have found Me beside him” {Muslim}

Words of Wisdom

“I smile at my guest and make him smile before he brings in his luggage, 

As if I had plenty to offer him at the time when I am suffering hardship. 

Hospitality does not consist of piling up food in front of him;

The face of the generous man is the essence of hospitality.” {Haatime at-Taa’iyy – famous Arab poet}

“People may not remember what you did or said but they will always remember how you made them feel.” {Maya Angelou}